I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
