My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
