You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
