Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
