Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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