I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can't motorboat a personality
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
