i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
