I am puke
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
