Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
