Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
dude. I can hear the air.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
