Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
