remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
