your room smells of hookers.
And success
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
