oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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