He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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