I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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