well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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