My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
