I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
