she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
