You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
