Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
