Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
