remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
