Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
