i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Randomize
