i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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