He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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