don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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