pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
