I accidentally had phone sex last night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We have so much sex to catch up on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
