My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just cropdusted the office
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
