people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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