remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
