I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he shaved USA in his pubs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
