Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
