OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
