If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
