Nicole vs. Life
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
