my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
