two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
