I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
