remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
