His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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