And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
