i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
