I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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