My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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