you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
