I just made out with a guy for $7.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
