you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize