she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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