I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
