Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
