After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
