it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
