New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my liver is dry heaving
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
