He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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