Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
