Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
