She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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