its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
