How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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