I wanna passion pit in your ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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