I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Randomize
